My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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