I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
