My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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