remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
