Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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