3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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