in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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