My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
