SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
