No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
