If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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