Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How naked do you want me to be?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
