I CAN MOONWALK!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
