Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
