Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im just a social blackout drinker.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
