My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
