i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
