dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
