sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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