I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
