she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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