I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
