Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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