I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
