It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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