I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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