My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
