i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
