i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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