my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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