i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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