so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
