i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
