I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
