Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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