grandma shit on top of the toilet
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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