I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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