he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
