A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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