Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
