So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
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