capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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