I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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