I got chris browned last night
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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