I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
