hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
