I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
