Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
