His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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