420 ftw
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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