So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
