I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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