I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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