So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have fence marks all over my body
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
