She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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