I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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