piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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